


No Help Needed

by Queens_n_Fiction



Category: GOT7
Genre: AU, Chaptered, GOT7 - Freeform, M/M, Mental Heath Issues, Please read, Slow Build, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queens_n_Fiction/pseuds/Queens_n_Fiction
Summary: Choi Youngjae was less than happy when he was involuntarily left in the anorexia help program at a mental institution by his mother. While he hated it there some others made it bearable, including one Park Jinyoung.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Co-written by two writers, It's our first co-fic so please leave a comment and give us your opinion , we'd really appreciate it!!

_He wasn't crazy._ Youngjae knew that. He could scream it from the roof tops but it wouldn't matter because nobody else believed him.

He wasn't anorexic, he just needed to lose a little weight. Not even that much, just enough to fit in. Just enough to be comfortable with his own body, in the cool clothes that the others would wear. He told himself he would stop once he reached the figure he desired so much. He promised himself that it wouldn't go too far. That he'd control himself, and that's what he had been doing.

But not according to his mom, who had found the week's worth of meals hidden away in the back of his closet when he had forgotten to throw it out, busy with his school work. Her horrified face when she realized he hadn't eaten for at least a week straight. Youngjae couldn't even deny it at this point because he was feeling _so weak._ Yet, he was sure it hadn't been a big deal, he was still fine. He told her so, and after a while she dropped it. She was still suspicious but after telling her over and over That it wasn't a big deal, _he was on a diet it's fine mom_. She let him off with a warning to not do it again but of course he had to keep going. He still wasn't quite there yet.

The next time he was caught was when she blew her fuse. Youngjae was actually at school at the time when she discovered the new batch of discarded food. Youngjae remained blissfully unaware of his mother's fury until his arrival home. By all means it wasn't much food, Youngjae having actually remembered to keep the constant routine of throwing out the food, but even with one meal hidden, she could easily connect the dots.

It was a nasty fight when he got home. She was screaming and crying, accusing him of being toxic, unhealthy and anorexic of all things. Youngjae yet again tried to reason with her. _Couldn't she see that he still had a lot more to go before he could be considered anything close to thin?_

“You've really left me no choice Youngjae, I went along with it the first time, but now I realize how much of a mistake that was,” she exclaimed tearfully. “You've grown so thin now, you're all bones.” She reached out to cradle Youngjae’s face with her hand.

Panicked, he jerked back from her gentle touch “I'm fine mom! I promise I'm not doing this to hurt myself, I'm just trying to be healthy, it hasn't been that much I promise!” He said, desperation growing with each word she said.

“No Youngjae-ah, this has gone too far. What you're doing isn't healthy. You're killing yourself with this nonsense! If you refuse to see the truth in my words then I have no choice but to get professional help.”

###  
So that's why he ended up where he was then. In the lobby of the JYP mental institute, where the surrounding regions sent the people they didn't know how to handle, the crazy people. Youngjae didn't know why his mom thought that this place would help him, despite the fact that he lacked any real problems. He knew she loved him, He knew she thought she was doing what was best for him but he also knew that he don't need this, in all honest he was mad at her. He thought she was overreacting, he didn't need this, he wasn't toxic, and no way in hell did he need to be there.

“Would the guardian of Choi Youngjae please come to the front desk for registration?” Giving him what she thought was a reassuring smile his mom stood up and went to the front desk, leaving Youngjae to sit in petulance in the waiting room.

He contemplated running for it when his mom left, but one look at the burly security guards posted at the front doors made him second guess that plan. While Youngjae detested the soon reality of having to stay in the horrid institution. He hated the possibility of having to fight his way out with those two at the door.

He felt trapped, and in all reality he was. Forced to go along with any stupid ‘self help’ program his mom thought would help whatever problem she assumed he had. God, was Youngjae mad. He was frustrated beyond belief.

“Youngjae-ah? Come here.” He heard his mother call out.  
With a reluctant sigh he stood up and walked over to where his mother was speaking with the receptionist.

Looking nervously between Youngjae’s blank face and the receptionist, his mother smiled with what she hoped was a disarming smile, as she tried to diffuse the tense atmosphere.

“Someone will be coming to show you to your living quarters” His mother continued to speak to him, but he was hardly listening. She kept talking, his focus wandered. It didn't matter. He was going to be let out soon once they realized that there was nothing wrong with him after all.

Continuing to ignore his mother, Youngjae looked around again. A man was walking towards them. The man in all honesty, was beautiful. His pristine black hair swept across his pale skin, and while he had rounded cheeks the rest of his body was thin, giving him a regal structure that Youngjae couldn't help but feel envious for.

The man's body image was a possible goal for the future, Youngjae mused as he grew closer. However when the man stopped where his mother and the receptionist stood, he knew that while this man was beautiful, he was like all the others in this damned place.

“Hello, I'm Park Jinyoung, I'll be the nurse showing Youngjae-ssi to his room.” Park Jinyoung, as Youngjae had just learned, sent his mother a charming smile which seemed to calm down her tension quite a bit.

Clasping her hands, Youngjae's mother turned to him, eyes getting misty as she prepared to say goodbye.

Youngjae however made no move as to go towards her in the slightest. He was still miffed about the whole situation. He knew that he'd forgive her eventually when he got back home. He'd be out soon when they proved he was perfectly fine.

Once his mother finished saying goodbye he begrudgingly followed Park Jinyoung deep into the institution. His head swiveled around apprehensively, taking in the dreary view of the building.

“How’s your day been Youngjae-ssi?” Park Jinyoung suddenly asked.

Youngjae paused, a sharp look took over his facial features. “Wonderful, considering I’m here. It’s not as if I’m gonna be here for long.”

A pleasantly surprised Jinyoung happily asked, “ Oh, so you're really committing to your therapy plan?”

“Therapy plan? What? No, I'm waiting for when you guys realize I don't have a problem, which won't be long.”

Concern laced the nurse’s voice, “Youngjae-ssi your life is in danger if you keep up with your eating habits. That’s why your mother placed you in this program, we only have your best interests in mind.”

As they arrived at a closed door, Youngjae glared at the male nurse. “There is nothing wrong with me, I really don't need to be here, I was managing myself perfectly fine.”

Placing a concerned hand on Youngjae’s shoulder, Jinyoung continued in what Youngjae saw as a patronizing voice, “This is for your own good, please have faith in us.” Indicating towards the door he explained, “This is your new room for the duration of your treatment. I hope it suits you well.”

Shrugging the hand off his shoulder, Youngjae walked past him and into the room. He ignored the sleeping boy on the other bed and flopped onto the empty single bed. He briefly looked around the the small space, unsurprised to see how clinically clean it was.

He mumbled to himself, “I’m not crazy, there really is nothing wrong with me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hopefully this didn't take too long to come out

It was around the late afternoon when Youngjae had woken up.

He couldn't even remember when he had fallen asleep.

For a moment when he awoke Youngjae was blissfully unaware of his surroundings, his half asleep mind still picturing himself in his nice, comfortable, familiar bed at home. However as he yawned, his eyes adjusted to the light. The monotone and dreary setting of the two bed PSR shocked him fully awake. The memories of yesterday slowly came back to him.

He groaned as he sat up “So it wasn't just a nightmare-”

“No I don't think so.”

Youngjae jumped in fright, shooting up at the voice. He looked towards the lump on the bed next to him that he had failed to notice in his previous sweep of the room. A dark head was poking out the top of the mass of blankets that was laying on the bed, dark circles ringing the large brown eyes that stared at Youngjae dead on.

“Do you usually speak to yourself? Because that might get annoying the longer you stay here.” The person from the lump spoke, sounding uninterest about the conversation.

“No not really.” He spoke, lifting his head to try and see the person better.

Sitting up the dark haired boy stretched his long arms before collapsing his body back onto his bed, groaning out.

“That's a relief.”

Youngjae looked around awkwardly, slightly envious of how at ease the boy seemed, while he himself was scrambling for something to latch onto for any sort of control of the situation.

“You probably shouldn't sit around for long, they'll send one of the nurses after you.” Rustling Youngjae out of his thoughts, he noticed that the boy had stood up already and was out the door.

“Wait! Why? Where do we have to go now?” Glancing back the boy paused his steps.

“It's already late. Dinner is right now.” The words froze Youngjae as he moved. He had forgotten. Now that he was forced into the institution he had to be monitored over _everything_. Eating included. He still remained firm in his opinion that he was a perfectly normal human being, awkwardness aside. Yet the thought of having someone watch him eat made Youngjae uncomfortable. It made his skin crawl. Hopefully in a populated area, Youngjae prayed that for digressions sake the institution would allow him to eat with the _normal_ people so they could see he really didn't have a problem.

“Do we all eat in the same place?”

The boy shrugged, his broad shoulders making Youngjae yet again envious of the other’s body.

“No, the people with eating disorders and stuff eat in a different area, I guess. Don't know anyone with that so I don't know where they go.” With that the boy left, out the door and with no follow up on help for Youngjae.

Not that he was paying attention to that fact, much.

When the eating disorders were mentioned, Youngjae could feel his stomach drop. Great. He was going to have to be singled out yet again for a problem he didn't have. If he wasn't angry before, he sure was now. He didn't even know where to go. He couldn't follow his assumed roommate, now that he found out he didn't even eat in the same room as the other.

“Having trouble there, Youngjae-ssi?” A happy voice called from behind him.

Snapping out of his daze, Youngjae came face-to-face with the nurse from earlier that day. He was standing in the doorway, smiling at  
him with a bright eye smile, the whiskers around his eyes crinkling.

Youngjae, however stood on guard. This man was one of the workers set to monitor him and his ‘conditions’. He was just another unfortunate soul this man wanted to ‘guide in the right direction’. It was his job after all.

….But admitting Youngjae couldn't deny the nurses help, at least while he genuinely needed assistance.

“I don't know where the cafeteria is and I was told it was time for dinner.” He admitted reluctantly, stubbornly refusing to look the male nurse in the eye.

He was met by muffled laughter “I would assume you wouldn't, It is your first day here, there's no shame in that.” The man gestured with his right hand. “If you would like to follow me? I would be more than happy to show you where it is, Youngjae-ssi.”

Huffing slightly, Youngjae looked up, nodding at him and indicating for the man to go forward.

Doing so, the nurse, Park Jinyoung was it? Lead the way through the seemingly never ending bland hallways of the institution, something Youngjae surely would have gotten lost around if he tried traveling on his own. Luckily, he wouldn't have to stay long enough to be able to find his way around.

Speaking of his health, He thought while picking at his wrist in slight interest, feeling the growth of pudge around his wrist. Before sending him to the JYP Institution, his mother had practically force fed him tons of food. Not caring how much it had originally upset his stomach, making him incredibly sick, and left him feeling incredibly greasy and bloated afterwards. Shuddering, he hoped they wouldn't do the same thing at the institution.

As they continued on with their journey, Youngjae could feel eyes on his figure, staring holes into him.

“So Youngjae-ssi, how has your room been treating you?”

Sighing, he saw no way out of the conversation that was going to be started. “It's been alright I suppose. Good enough for what it is.”

A frown sat on the pretty males face. “You don't have to hate this place Youngjae-ssi, we aren't the enemies here. We just want to help you.”

He couldn't help but scoff at that. “Help? With what exactly? I was perfectly fine before coming here, I don't have an eating disorder, or whatever you're trying to pin me with.”

Before Jinyoung could retort, the pair came a set of double doors. Inside the cafeteria sat clearly. Pushing away the dread creeping within him, Youngjae opened the doors to step into it.

Like everything else in this forsaken hospital, the walls of the cafeteria were a clean and boring grey. The workers serving dinner sat in the back of the room, plating out the unapitizing meal of the day. It looked almost like a normal cafeteria.

Except for one fact.

All the tables were round, separated by a large margin. At each table sat only two people and from the looks of it, it was one nurse and one patient.

“What is this?” Still shocked his eyes went wide at the sight before him.

“It's better to have a one-on-one with the nurses for the treatment. We can monitor and the patient can avoid eating in large crowds, isolated from the pressures of that environment.” And with that, Jinyoung motioned for Youngjae to sit at one of the empty round tables, while the nurse moved to the lunch line.

Annoyed, Youngjae sat down at the table. He couldn't even get his own food now? Renewed frustration set in quickly, with that his stubbornness. Even if he had to eat, it didn't mean that there weren't other ways to discard of his food. Including after ingestion. He would eat to placate the overly kind nurse.

Bounding over to the table, Jinyoung placed a food tray in front of Youngjae's stoic face. It was a western food if he recalled correctly. Stroganoff?

“Okay Youngjae-ssi, all you've got to do is finish this plate, then we can go over and take your vitals, weigh you, and then you're free to go for recreation.”

Uninterested, he nodded. Jinyoung sat across from and gave him a reassuring smile. “You can start now, we won't be timing you or anything. Eat the way you want. Just s’long as you finish.”

Youngjae began to eat methodically. He took a small bite of everything before swallowing.

The food almost made Youngjae gag. It wasn't so much the taste as it was how it had felt in his mouth and going down to his stomach.

Within 10 minutes, Youngjae had finished. He could feel the grease of the food weighing in his stomach.

Jinyoung laid his hand across Youngjae's shoulder, a proud grin shining on his face as he looked at the younger boy.

“That was really good Youngjae-ssi, I don't know what changed your tune but I'm glad. This can really help your progression.” The words made Youngjae sink in on himself slightly. Yeah right. Like stuffing his face was going to make him any healthier.

“Okay!” Jinyoung stood up and Youngjae followed, walking towards a door on the side of the room. “We just need to take your vitals and weight and then I'll lead you to the rec room and let you do what you want before roll call.”

The process of taking the information went by quick, Youngjae managing to maintain his stoic face, even when his weight was collected and it was announced to him by Jinyoung.

“Your current weight sits at 101lbs Youngjae-ssi.”

The food he had just ate threatened to come back up. The words sounded fake to his ears. Yet he refused to show any signs of distress to the male nurse. He was probably trying to comfort Youngjae, before unveiling the truth on him.

There was no way he weighed that little.

After that the handsome nurse smiled and lead him in the direction of the recreational room. Walking through the halls, Youngjae thought of something that he could do.

“Jinyoung, could you show me to the bathroom?” He knew it sounded dodgy, and most would have immediately assumed what he was about to do, but the nurse seemed too happy with his so called ‘progress’ to notice the warning signs.

“Yeah, no problem! Right this way.”

And with that, Youngjae found himself kneeling down as inconspicuously as he could with his fingers in his mouth.

The food itself wouldn't seem so bad if it wasn't going to hinder Youngjae's weight plan. So, he continued his ministrations.

He was filed as “anorexic” not bulimic. The food was definitely less pleasant coming back up than going down.

but it was necessary. He still hadn't achieved his ideal figure.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! Wowie it seems like we've updated a lot in the last few days but starting this next week that might change. We might be doing weekly updates from now on due to circumstances so please don't be worried if we don't update as much! We just wanted to get everything set up in the first week so we have our base for the following weeks!

Youngjae stumbled out of the stall, his legs shaking unsteadily as he made his way over to the sinks. Leaning heavily on the counter, he looked up and took in the sight before him. His skin unnaturally pale, warring with the dark spots under his own eyes, hinting at the number of sleepless nights he had spent thinking about his arrival to the institution.

He turned the sink on and let the warm water run over his hands, hoping that they would calm the shaking in his hands.

Looking back up into the mirror, Youngjae glared at the roundness in his face. He hated it. He hated his body. What he saw was a travesty.

He could see the pounds of food sitting on his bones, making his skin bloated and puffy.

He swore it was all the food his mother had forced into him upon deciding that he ‘needed help’. He knew without a doubt that this was her doing.

Cupping his hands, Youngjae brought water up to his mouth, using It to wash out all the grime and evidence of his actions before.

At least he got a hold of himself now, purging is nowhere near a pleasant experience but he could control his own habits. Leaving his life in his own hands and not in those of the Mental institution. Of course, he wouldn't be doing this for every meal, he mused while looking back up at his reflection. Just the ones that looked like they'd hit his weight plan the hardest.

The door to the bathroom abruptly opened, making him jump before looking at the culprit.

Sheepishly, the nurse Jinyoung, sent Youngjae an apologetic look before fully stepping into the area.

“Ah, sorry Youngjae-ssi! I didn't mean to scare you, just wanted to check on you to see if everything was good.”

Signing, he turned back to the sink. Turning it off he dried his hands before looking at the handsome man.

“Yeah whatever, everything's fine.” He said offhandedly, running his hands through his hair. He was trying to seem inconspicuous.

Before Jinyoung could continue, Youngjae pushed past him and out the door. As he was passing the other man he realized he still had no idea where the rec room was. Inwardly he groaned, standing outside in his lost and frustrated stupor.

The nurse walked out of the bathroom, chuckling when he saw the turbulent patient waiting for him. Jinyoung began walking again, leaving Youngjae to follow him down the winding halls once more.

###

In all honestly, with what he's seen so far of the institution Youngjae should have known what to expect of the so called recreation room. Like the rest of the institution, the walls and furniture were all different shades of neutral colors and plain grays. There were tables that held many different board games and were occupied by some of the other patients. The corner of the room held an old TV that came with an actual set of antennae, with it came two worn out couches.

The only features somewhat exciting were the wide open windows that were littered around the walls of the room, outside of them a forest, dense and green trees spanned out for as far as the Windows could show. The sunset peeking over the skyline of the trees, it's pink and purple hues fascinated him, pulling his attention from the room briefly.

“Well this is it.” Smiling Jinyoung indicated to the room. “It might not be much, but it's better than doing nothing I guess, you guys have an hour or so before lights out. By then I'll come get you again.”

Barely glancing over at the nurse, Youngjae nodded. He slowly walked forward, approaching the large window sill. He leaned against the structure, taking in the view from a better vantage point. Vaguely, Youngjae recognized the forest from his drive up to the institution. He remembered looking at it and thinking about how _isolated_ the place really was. The chances of escaping were incredibly slim, unless you wanted to run for 40 miles on end. Or perhaps get lost in the forest itself. To a flighty Youngjae, neither seemed like a very good choice.

Youngjae sat in his spot and began thinking. For being an incredibly large building, the only patient occupied areas seemed to be isolated into what he assumed was one of the wings of the building. Leaving the rest of the expanse unexplained. Maybe the nurses lived on call? It seemed like a viable option seeing as the nearest town was almost an hour's drive away.

“Oh. You haven't gotten lost yet.” Jumping at the voice, Youngjae turned around to see his roommate. The boy's dark hair stood out against his pale skin in the lasting light of the sun. Behind him, stood an almost equally as tall man, his hair shockingly white. His body was long and incredibly thin, his skin a nice tan color. the drab grey of the patients outfit couldn't wash out the radiance of his clean and healthy skin.

If Youngjae wasn't envious before he sure as hell was then.

Without asking, his roommate and his friend pulled up chairs and sat alongside him. Slightly peeved, he huffed from his spot on the window sill, resting his body against it.

“No, I have not.”

Shrugging, his roommate leaned back in his chair. “Most people do. They usually wander around for a while and get lost in the process.”

The white haired boy jumped into the conversation, looking at Youngjae with interest. “What nurse do you have?”

He raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Nudging the boy, his roommate signed in mild disappointed. “Aish, why are you so nosy Bambam?”

Youngjae's eyebrow rose up higher “BamBam?”

The other shrugged. “I'm not from here originally, I'm from Thailand. Most people can't pronounce my first name so I've found it easier to go by a nickname.”

“I can pronounce it.” His roommate pointed out.

BamBam lightly shoved the other. “No one else has as much time on their hands as you Yugyeom.”

_“Everyone has time on their hands_. We’re trapped in this never ending hell hole.”

“Mark-Hyung would be disappointed to hear you say that ,Yugyeomie.”

“ _Good_.”

Meanwhile, Youngjae was completely lost in their conversation. They both bantered like old friends did, which they most likely were. Not knowing for what his roommate was in there for, he could assume the other could have been in there for a while for whatever reason.

He hadn't noticed the conversation had lulled to a stop, giving the others ample opportunity to observe him in the silence.

“We didn't see you at dinner.” BamBam pointed out, jolting him yet again from his thought process.

“Yeah. I guess you didn't.” He was trying to play it cool, trying to delay an unwanted topic for at least a little while longer.

He could feel Yugyeom’s eyes on him, practically feeling the other looking through his pseudo mask. Suppressing a shiver, Youngjae tried to uphold his plan.

BamBam gave him a questioning look, before looking to Yugyeom for an explanation.

Although it must have been quite obvious to the other. Yugyeom had been the one to first tell him that those with eating disorders are separated from the rest. It couldn't be that hard to connect the dots.

He could see them having a silent conversation behind him. His eye twitched slightly.

“Huh.”

And with that, BamBam abandoned the topic. Almost melting with relief Youngjae was grateful the others didn't press their question.

“You still haven't told us who your nurse is.” Yugyeom yawned.

Frowning, Youngjae replied. “I still don't really understand what you mean by that.”

“After dinner is when you're usually introduced, they show you where everything is and get you acquainted with everything. They're typically your primary caregivers. They get us to schedules, give us medication and so on. Not many patients come here so they have enough staff for those actually present.” BamBam pointed out.

“Oh. So that's who he is.”

“Pardon?”

“If that's the case then I'm pretty sure my nurse's name is Jinyoung.”

BamBam’s eyes went wide. “Park Jinyoung?”

“I think?”

“He's pretty nice. He hangs around Jaebum-Hyung and Mark-Hyung a lot so we see him pretty often.” Yugyeom added in.

“Ahhh.. I wish I had him!” BamBam whined “I wish I had anyone but Jaebum-hyung!”

“You just say that because Jaebum-Hyung is the only one you can't trick. I'd say he's doing me a huge favor by keeping you in line.” The dark boy said, his eyes turning up but no smile appeared.

The other gasped in mock offense. “Yah! I'm older than you, brat! Show some respect!”

“I'll show you respect once you start acting your age.”

BamBam lunged at the other, while Yugyeom made no move to get out of the way. Youngjae was slightly concerned. While BamBam looked like he weighed virtually nothing, he was sure the sheer force of him throwing himself would cause some type of harm to both of them.

He got up to stop him, but a buff hand reached out and beat him to it.

“I can't even leave you alone for an hour can I?” The stranger said, coming into Youngjae's view. He wasn't as tall as the other two, but made it up with his broad shoulders and well proportioned body. He had his hair dyed an almost maroon color and a sharp jaw line. His dark eyes glared at the white haired boy, while the other glared back with the same intensity.

“It wasn't me who started it! Ask anyone!”

The other man sighed before releasing BamBam who fixed his clothes with a lingering pout.

“Isn't that what you always say BamBam-ah? If you keep crying wolf I'll be less inclined to believe every time it happens.”

“But Jaebum-Hyung!” BamBam whined.

“We don't have time for this,” the other sighed again. “Lights out is soon so we need to get you set up for bed.”

Yugyeom pushed BamBam towards the door. “Just go already. Your whining is gonna give me a headache.”

“What a friend-” BamBam mumbled as he walked out the door, his nurse in tow.

Youngjae looked over to Yugyeom, who hadn't moved yet as he saw some of the other patients and their nurses leave for the night. “Aren't you going too?”

“We need to wait for the nurses to come get use before we can leave. If we go out on our own we could get in trouble.” He rolled his eyes.

“We have to wait to get picked up like kids?”

“Basically.”

Youngjae groaned. This was taking monitoring to a whole new level. He felt like a child, being escorted from one place to another. Constantly being watched over. How could his mother sincerely think that this place was going to be beneficial in any way? You can't cure something you don't have after all. It felt more like a prison.

They waited for awhile in silence before two figures appeared in the doorway of the rec room. One Youngjae recognized as his nurse, his dark hair and defined eyebrows standing out against his light skin. The other figure was tall and willowy, Youngjae could only compare him to an elf. With dark brown hair, lips almost as plush as his nurses, and dark brown almost black eyes. The pair were definitely a sight to behold.

“Ah Youngjae-ah! Sorry for taking long, Mark-Hyung and I were having a conversation and time slipped by us.”

Youngjae shrugged indifferently. “Okay.”

The other male nurse, Mark as he had learned smiled at Yugyeom and turned his head towards the door. “Ready Yugyeomie?”

Yugyeom ignored him briefly and turned to Youngjae. “See you in the room, I guess.”

“See you.”

Yugyeom turned and walked out the door, ignoring Mark and his offering smile. Mark’s smile faltered briefly before it brightened once more, he saluted to Jinyoung before following his patient out.

“I have some clothes in the bathrooms for you as well as other supplies if you'd like to take a shower Youngjae-ah,” the nurse explained as they later walked down the halls “after that we need to give you your prescriptions and then it's off to bed!”

Stepping into a public bathroom area Youngjae was lead to a stall that contained a shower and some cubbies, presumably to hold his clothes and other things, all covered by curtains. A mirror placed on one side of the wall.

“Prescriptions?”

“Nothing too intense, Just some vitamins you're lacking in and a sleeping pill to help with any problems you might have at night.”

Sighing, Youngjae nodded and stepped into the area, closing the curtains off.

“I'll be outside of the bathrooms when you're done! Take as long as you want.”

Youngjae quickly stripped and turned the water on, sighing as the hot water hit his back in soothing patterns, washing away the grime of his long day. He thought back on all that had happened so far.

He had to get out.

Looking down at himself he grimaced and poked at his stomach, seeing the excessive fat of his body.

He was disgusted with himself. He was nowhere near where he needed to be. All he had to do was more dieting and he couldn't even continue with that anymore. He still had purging he could resort to, but it wasn't effective. It was bothersome. If only he wasn't in that damned place. He wouldn't have to resort such a thing. Youngjae tried scrubbing his imperfections away with the sponge, but of course they didn't go away. They clung to him as always.

###  
After his shower, Youngjae and his nurse went walking down the Halls once more in silence. The weight of many thoughts on Youngjae's mind made him sluggish and down trodden. Jinyoung, doing nothing but humming along as they walk.

As they arrived to the door of his new room, Jinyoung pulled the prescription bag out of the pocket of his scrubs.

Youngjae took them without a word, he was still rather disheartened. As he began to open the door he was surprised when a pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a warm embrace.

He didn't move. His eyes were wide in stunned shock. Jinyoung did nothing but hold him for what felt like hours before letting go and sincerely looking him in the eyes, his own kind and honest.

“Don't hold in your feelings Youngjae-ah,” he whispered “You aren't alone. I'll be here to help whenever you need it. I promise. Please don't hesitate when you're feeling down to come to me.” Giving him one last genuine half-smile the nurse left a stunned Youngjae, his hand still on the doorknob. Jinyoung’s warm and calming scent wafted after the man as he strode down the aisle. He barely even looked back at his baffled patient more than once.

The shock gradually drained from Youngjae, he entered the room as the sleeping pills began to set in. The artificial exhaustion dragged his bones and eyelids down, leaving him feeling heavy and extremely sleepy.

As he laid down, he began to drift off almost instantly. The lingering thoughts on his mind floated around lazily as unconsciousness snagged him.

_‘At least he's nice. Plus he gives really good hugs.’_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave kudos and Comments, we love hearing your opinion about the Story!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! Sorry for taking so long to update, we got back to school so it's hard to find time to fully put on the story but we're trying! Pretty Unbeta'd so be warned

Slowly but surely time had passed at the JYP Mental Institution. The same routines had been put on rewind for those who were unfortunate enough to be placed there. The same boring old rituals done again and again, day's blurred together lost in the monotonous actions of their daily lives.

Youngjae could practically feel himself waste away in it all. He was surprised one morning when he looked at a calendar and saw that it had been two weeks since he was placed in the hospital. To him it felt like it had been an eternity. Upon realizing this, Youngjae could only feel melancholy as he thought about the outside world and what he could be missing.

He was losing his aspirations of getting out as well. It didn't seem like they would change their minds about their diagnosis of him anytime soon. He was slowly accepting his fate to be stuck there for however long it might be.

They weren't allowed electronics or access to the Internet, limited to the simpler things that entertainment had to offer. Even then the options were pretty limited. The institution had a small library near the entrance, but it was filled with old books from times before Youngjae could even move past children's novels and coloring. Not that these books were boring though, he mjust didn't have enough willpower to try and decipher the old slang and hidden meanings behind them.

He could play board games.

But-  
he had no one to play them with. The only people he'd become somewhat familiar with, Yugyeom and BamBam, wouldn’t play with him. BamBam’s reasons were he didn't know a lot of the games, labeling them too complicated to try and learn. Yugyeom had flat out said no when he asked.

He could go walk around the small plaza out behind the institution.

It _was_  a gorgeous sight. The greens of the trees surrounding the areas, the multitude of tulips and daffodils planted around the clean brick paths. A functioning fountain in the center, surrounded by benches covered in shade. It was possibly one of the only comforting places the institution had to offer, making it an ideal location for Youngjae to spend his time in.

But the only way they were allowed out there was when they were accompanied by their nurses.

Jinyoung wasn't a bad guy. Really. He had been nothing but kind to Youngjae when together throughout the days. After the first few days he began to lose steam in his anger towards the male nurse. He was only doing his job, and while that job may be babysitting him while was imprisoned in this hell hole, Youngjae couldn't be mad at him for it.

The hug after the first night was also strangely comforting, not that he would admit it.

The warm smell of caramel that seemed to radiate off the older at all times was a plus too.

Younjae felt childish in having to ask the other to accompany him in the simple task of walking around a plot of land for crying out loud. It made him uncomfortable to think that his dignity had been stripped completely.

He chose to forgo the trip around the plaza for now.

The rest of his day was taken up by different forced activities and revolved around finding ways to not get caught while purging.

The second day he officially met the head psychologist, Park Jinyoung. He found it ironic that the man and his nurse shared the same name. He had asked Jinyoung if they were related in any way, it would have been fun if the elder park had some sort of God-complex and named his son after himself. sadly all the nurse did was deny and laugh off his theory.

When Youngjae had met Park Jinyoung senior he was surprised at the man’s slightly eccentric personality. The guy had a rocking chair in place of the usual office chair and a large amount of posters hanging around the room. Now while that would be somewhat normal in a place like this, the posters weren't depicting lame inspirational quotes and awkward backgrounds. Oh no. He had posters of the latest Pop groups in the music industry. Exo, Miss A, Red Velvet, etc. Anything Youngjae could come up with, it was probably there.

He felt uncomfortable with the mere idea of seeing a psychologist.

He felt even more uncomfortable with Xuimin’s eyes on him. Youngjae swore he could see them following him around as he sat down in the room.

The man in question was sitting in his weird rocking chair and smiled gently at Youngjae. It was unnerving.

“Youngjae-ssi! Please come sit,” he gestured to the brightly colored chairs in front of his desk, motioning for the boy to sit. “How’s the JYP life been treating you so far?”

He shrugged “It's been alright i guess, for being placed here unwillingly after all.”

Park Jinyoung Sr. frowned at this. “It might have been unwilling Youngjae, but it could really benefit you and your future. We want nothing but the best for you through this program so you can become healthy with your continued life. Anorexia is a large problem in the teenage years, and it is a shame to see a kid with as much potential as you, having to go down this path due to the social pressures of the world.”

Youngjae’s eyes snapped up to the psychologist. He could feel his blood boiling at the man’s words. “But i'm not anorexic.”

“Eating is important for our health Youngjae-ssi. Foregoing it in favor of remaining skinny and keeping up that behavior calls for intervention. You might not see what your doing as an eating disorder, but those around you can see how it's harming your body.” Youngjae felt like he was being spoken to like a child, the doctors words pierced his conscious and floating around. The thoughts in his head fighting the words.

“But my body never changes,” Youngjae’s emotions were running rampant. How could no one else see what he sees? He tapped on his arm with his fingers, a nervous habit. “It's doesn't matter if I do or don't eat.I’ve stayed the same way since Junior High!”

“That's what your mind perceives it to be Youngjae, that's why this condition is so damaging to you in it's entirety. It clouds your minds with these delusions.”

That sentence hit Youngjae like a ton of bricks, they thought he was delusional? After that Dr. Park asked more questions about his personal life to try and get to know the boy better, but Youngjae was on auto pilot at that point, answering in monosyllables. The words churned in his head fighting a war that no one else could see. Him? Delusional? He wasn't. Youngjae was sure of it. He wasn't making up his weight problems. He couldn't be. How could he when he could feel all the excess body weight on him? That couldn't just be a figment of his imagination. It couldn't.  
  
He could tell the doctor was disappointed with his lack of responses but he couldn't care less.

There was no point in any of this. They only thought of him as the delusional kid with anorexia. He looked down at his body with a grimace.

_There was nothing anorexic about his body_.

###

Another thing Youngjae discovered as the days went by was he was required to do group therapy. He groaned at the thought of it.

It was somewhere in the center of the institution, a large room with the chairs arranged in a circle. The room smelled steril accompanied by the cold the room had taken up, chilling Youngjae to the bones. There was only a few other people, at least five. No one Youngjae had spoken to so far. Then again the only other two patients he spoke to were Yugyeom and BamBam, seeing the latter at most times during the day as they shared a room and the other only during recreation.

The other people were talking amongst themselves, probably knowing each other already due to these sessions. They sent small tentative smiles his way but he could only nod in acknowledgement.

A few minutes later the door was opened abruptly as he just started to get interested in the chatter of the others, making Youngjae jump. In came a man with dark brown hair and wide, excited eyes.

“Hey everybody! Nice to see you all after a while.” This made the group laugh making the man smile brightly. Youngjae slightly winced at the loud booming voice of the newcomer.

One of the still giggling patients spoke up. “Jackson-ssi it's only been a day since we last saw you.”

“Plenty of time to miss my favorite group of patients Momo.” winking the man (Jackson he assumes from earlier) sat down in the only available chair left, his eyes scanning the group before they landed on Youngjae. His smile only seems to grow impossibly wider.

“Ah! You must be our newest addition. Choi Youngjae correct? I'm the head of Group therapy Jackson Wang, nice to meet you.” He bowed slightly in his chair.

Awkwardly, Youngjae mimicked his action. “Yes. Nice to meet you too.”

“Okay!” Jackson clapped his hands together. “Let's get started with today's session and get to know our newest member. Let go around the circle and introduce ourselves and state one thing we like to do in our spare time.” He looked around the room giving each of them encouraging looks. “I'll go first! My name is Jackson and I like to do martial arts tricking in my free time, next! Eunwoo?”

The rest continued in the circle clockwise. Youngjae tried to pay attention to each person as they spoke but he found himself spacing out. This Jackson was really energetic it seemed. Almost like the head psychologist himself, making Youngjae shudder at the thought. He didn’t really favor the head therapist after their solo session. Jackson had a slight accent to his Korean, a hint at another nationality perhaps? His features did look foreign the more Youngjae payed attention to them. The rest of the patients seemed to enjoy his presence here at the very least, a smile on each and everyone's faces since the man had first stepped into the room.

“Youngjae-ah?” Jackson called out. He snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to see all eyes focused on him. Oh it was his turn.

“Ah sorry-” he breathed out, blushing under the gaze of everyone. They were all looking at him with understanding smiles and prompted him to go on “I'm Youngjae and I like to….”

He trailed off, not knowing what to say. He couldn't very well tell the group that he had done nothing but wallow in his self pity since he arrived at the institution. He didn't really know these people, nor did he really care about their opinions but he felt like saying that would be going a bit too far. He tried to think of what he did before he got here. Ah! that's right.

“...I like to sing?” Back home before everything had happened, he had actually sung whenever he got the chance, albeit most of those chances were when he was alone, never in public or around other people. The music made him feel alive and secure, something he had rarely felt around others or even in the presence of his family. Youngjae loved music and singing so much he was even tempted to join his school choir at one point, but decided against it once he saw that all the men had to wear matching sleek and skinny dress suits as uniforms for concert.

Yeah. Not ideal.

“That's wonderful Youngjae-ah! I hope that someday we'd be able to hear your singing one day.” He nodded at the man's words but couldn't help scoffing in his head. Yeah _right_.

“Well since this is your first day here Youngjae-ah I thought we'd take it slow with the group activities, no need to overwhelm you with our dazzling activities,” this brought a laugh out of the rest of the group. “So instead I was thinking that those who wanted to share their thoughts today could go while the rest of us just sit here and relax for the day, good?” He smiled at the positive cheers and relieved sighs of the group. “Great! The floor is all yours guys.”

The blond girl from earlier, Momo, began talking about her day and minor inconveniences throughout it. Many of the people who spoke said the same types of things, sharing minimal of their actual feelings to the group. Only few dared go into more personal confessions. Through those confessions Youngjae found out that the rest of the people here had the same types of diagnosis as he had. Eating disorders.

This made Youngjae wonder how he didn't recognize any of their faces, since they all ate in the same cafeteria after all. During meal times he had been so focused on deciding which foods would be the most detrimental to his diet, seeing if it was worth it to purge or not and risk being caught by his nurse.

Maybe that's why he didn't recognize them.

Speaking of that, he really needed to become pickier with what he decided to trash. He knew Jinyoung was growing suspicious as he left to the bathroom after almost every other meal. He needed to be careful with his decisions from now on.

The time passed by slowly, he was starting to become tired with seemingly endless conversations between the patients and Jackson. He was friendly, incredibly so. Too much so in Youngjae's opinion. He'd find ways to keep ending conversations going, asking more questions genuinely seeming concerned with his patients well being. He seemed to understand their problems and offered encouragement and advice. It was a bit touching, seeing how much the man cared but the conversations were overwhelming and seemed to run on.

A quirk he noticed about Jackson was that he seemed to amplify his voice when excited. His infectious personality and tones made the person he was talking to do the same. While not inherently a bad thing, the constant noise was giving Youngjae a headache.

He just wanted to back to his room and rest. Being at the institution made him lethargic, he always seemed tired nowadays. The headache was not helping his fatigue.

Rooming with Yugyeom was a blessing in disguise, Youngjae could only thank whatever god was out there for him. The other boy was quiet, his presence calming Youngjae but not bothering Youngjae with constant speaking. They could spend hours in comfortable silence together. He could tell Yugyeom appreciated the silence too, leaving the boy to the sketch pad he always seemed to have on him in peace. They were both grateful for it.

However they did talk to each other. As the days continued on he slowly learned more about his roommate and their friend. The other was younger than Youngjae, BamBam as well making him the elder of the group. Yugyeom was a dancer before being committed a long time ago, speaking of his past wistfully. He could tell the boy was itching to listen to the new music being put out into the world that they had no access to, a problem he could relate to himself. They shared small truths with each other in odd moment of honesty and vulnerability. Youngjae felt like they were growing closer as the time went by. Same goes with BamBam, the Thai boy was open and kind to him, never excluding him from the close bond he and Yugyeom shared. He felt relieved that he had people he was comfortable with at least. He felt himself easily slipping into their banter and ever so slightly with the occasional play fighting the two seemed to be involved in constantly.

While he was growing closer to the two rough housing boys, he learned more about the nurses that accompanied the boys as well. One of the first things he had learned about the two were that they had been in a long time relationship, finding out through the loving glances they shared when in the same room and how they always seem to touch whenever passing by, be it a brush of hands or purposefully standing extremely close. He had asked BamBam about it when his nurse was distracted staring after Mark and Yugyeom’s retreating figures one night. The white haired boy gagged before telling him and whined about how _‘Jaebum-Hyung and Mark-hung had no public decency. Their together always yet still pin like lovesick puppies when not attached at the hip!’_

The nurse by then had tuned into their conversation and was not pleased at all with the younger, glaring at the boy who stuck out his tongue before angrily dragging him off.

As a couple he supposed they were cute together, hell, he was sure of it. They had the type of relationship that all young girls dreamed of. Having never left the honeymoon phase of their relationship.

They seemed like good people. Mark had a seemingly endless amount of patient for Yugyeom's cold personality towards him and Jaebum constantly kept BamBam in check. It made Youngjae wonder why such a young couple would voluntarily live and work at an institution like this when the outside world have far more possibilities for their life together.

That being said Youngjae didn't understand most of the workers here for that very reason.

There was also the matter of His nurse Jinyoung. While he had stopped holding his grudge against the man, he still felt awkward around him. Jinyoung didn't seem to mind Youngjae's strained small talk, in fact he even seemed happy to have the younger talking to him at all. While Youngjae found it unusual he paid it no mind, pinning the reasoning on the man's nurturing nature. As the hour drew to a close, he knew the nurse would be there very soon to escort him to dinner. In a weird way, he was starting to find comfort in the black haired man too, his constant presence reassuring Youngjae. Giving him a routine to fall back on. He appreciated it, he appreciate the kindness he felt from the man.

Jackson began to close the discussion, thanking everyone for sharing and cheerfully waving goodbye to those who left with their nurses. Jinyoung walked in with a large smile directed at Youngjae before turning to Jackson. His smile dimmed some as jackson's grew bigger than before if possible.

“JINYOUNGIE!”

Jinyoung sighed and acknowledged the brunet reluctantly. “Why are you always so loud Jackson, and I told you not to call me that at work remember?”

Jackson pouted cutely and Youngjae couldn't help but notice how close they seemed, even if his nurse looked exasperated with the other. He was slightly envious at how easily their conversation flowed. It was his fault that their conversations ended out that way but he let himself be petty this once.

“Ah but you never come visit anymore you know? The only times you come are when JB drags you over to my ward.” His eyes went wide in realization before he turns to where Youngjae was standing, catching him by surprise. “Are you Jinyoungie’s new patient? The one he talks about?”

Youngjae just blinks in surprise, never thinking that the nurse would bring him up other than as an obligation, looking over at his nurse who was fully glaring at the other. This surprised him even more. He had never seen his nurse with that kind of expression on his face, the other had always been wearing a smile.

“Yah, Jackson-hyung behave yourself. This is why I don't visit you anymore you know.” After he winked at Youngjae and tilted his head towards the door, indicating for them to leave. Though incredibly confused at the actions and reasonings he did so, following his nurse and leaving Jackson who was whining as they left.

As they walked down the hall his nurse was fidgeting though he was trying to hide the fact, Youngjae could still see the flick of his tongue across his lips. “Sorry about Jackson-hyung he can be a bit…...Much.” He winced.

Youngjae shrugged and kept walking, feeling sympathetic for the nurse and his trouble with the over excited councilor, but he was ready to finally rest in his quiet room.

Jinyoung looked like he wanted more of an answer but didn't push it, silently dropping Youngjae off at his room with a small smile. When he went in, he sighed in relief and said a quick hello to Yugyeom who sat on his bed drawing something, Youngjae didn't have the energy to ask what he was drawing. He dropped onto his bed, his bones weak and tired. The exhaustion lulling him to sleep quickly.

###  
The next few days continued In a similar pattern. He had one-on-one therapy with Dr. Park every other day, and group therapy everyday. At around 7a.m. he had breakfast, 12p.m. was lunch and 6p.m. was dinner. He had recreation from 7-8, after that it was time to get ready for bed. Sometimes they had group games outside, or activities for everyone, but usually up until that point it was free time. All the while he was accompanied by Jinyoung.

He could feel himself opening up to the elder more, their conversations less forced. At least he didn't feel as uncomfortable around him. They had begun talking more freely with each other. Expanding on likes and dislikes, Jinyoung telling him what he missed while in the Institution. A tentative friendship had been growing between the two.

It had been days since Youngjae had last purged, he didn't want to make it a regular occurrence in case the other began to suspect something was off. Youngjae felt sick, the food weighing in his stomach unnaturally after each meal.

He could feel it weighing him down.

He felt his skin expanding and molding to all the pounds he was surely gaining as each full meal passed by. Yet he held off on forcibly removing it, he promised himself that he would wait a little longer. These meals weren't so bad, right?

He wasn't anorexic so it really shouldn't bother him to have a few meals right? He was proving them wrong. He knew how to handle his dieting perfectly fine.

It was dinner the next day when it happened. He couldn't handle it anymore. He had to get rid of the garbage in his body. _Now_.

###

That night for dinner they were serving them something special when Jinyoung had told him. It was JYP’s anniversary from its opening day 5 years ago. In honor of the anniversary they decide to splurge a little on the food food the patients. _They were serving barbecue and pork belly that night._

The last time Youngjae had had barbecue from what he could remember was years ago. The amount of grease and needless fat on the food was insane. He vowed to stay away from it if he wanted to have any chance of losing weight.

He nearly teared up when Jinyoung set the tray with 3 slices of pork belly and 3 pieces of meat in front of him. The nurse happily placed the sides around him with a smile along with a bottle of water for Youngjae.

“Eat up Youngjae-ah! I promise it's really good, apparently the place where they had gotten the meat from is a top quality brand. Only the best for you guys!” He sounded excited as if he was the one to be eating the meal.

Trying to conceal his grimace, he brought a piece of the meat up to his mouth, exhaling before putting it in and chewing slowly. He drank water immediately after trying to wash away the taste before continuing on shakily. With his one track mind, he didn't notice the concerned looks his nurse was giving him.

“You don't have to finish the sides too Youngjae-ah, just finish the plate and you can be done.” He said softly.

All Youngjae could do was nod and kept going. It took him longer to finish than it usually did. While doing the usual check in, Youngjae felt disgusting. He could feel the grease of the pork belly churning in his stomach. He wanted nothing but to get rid of the feeling. After they finished the weigh-in Jinyoung went to write in the data. Curious, Youngjae looked over his nurses shoulder as he was writing down the information. he blanched at the words written on the sheet.

Patient underwent a 10lbs increase.

Youngjae stepped back in shock, alerting the nurse who turned around and looked at him in concern. “Are you okay Youngjae-ah?”

Trying not to look as distressed as he felt, he nodded jerkily. “Yes I'm fine, can I actually go to the bathroom Jinyoung-ssi?” He tried to look convincing, hoping the desperation didn't show clearly on his face.

The nurse frowned but nodded. “Okay, but remember recreation is soon.”  
  
With that he rushed out the door and towards the bathroom, not noticing the concerned and suspicious look the nurse was giving him as he left.

When he got there Youngjae threw himself into a stall, hastily closing the door and locking it before bending over the toilet with his fingers in his mouth already gagging at the feeling of the food sloshing inside of him.

_He needed to get rid of it. He could feel the grease crawling up his skin. He needed it gone_.

Tears streamed down his face. He finished and flushed the contents of his stomach down the drain, staring blankly down at his shaking hands. Unsteadily he stood up and opened the door to go wash his hands.

Stepping out of the stall he was met by the sad eyes and downturned lips of the last person he needed seeing him like this. His nurse Jinyoung was stood a little ways away from the door, and from the look on his face he had heard it all.

“Youngjae-ah..” He winced at the disappointment and heart crushing sorrow in the nurse’s voice, Youngjae closed his eyes, wanting to block out what was happening. The look he was getting hurt his chest in an unfamiliar way. He didn't want to hear what came next.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
